The moment she looked in the mirror and saw the tears streaming down her face, she knew she was alone. It wasn’t suppose to happen this way, especially with tonight being her graduation night. Just to prevent her collapse, she was holding onto the counter trying to get composure. Then she turned on the facet and looking at the water she felt empty and just wanted to feel nothing and be able to flow easy just like the water. How could she be who she is and not be as lucky as those who had everything? All the questions she managed to ignore were starting to emerge and she was crying even more. Finally she started washing her face and the tears were looking less apparent because she washed off all the make up she was wearing. The dreadful feeling of being lost, alone, and afraid reminded her of why she ran away. It all was beginning to look like the great escape but now more than ever she was hoping it wasn’t here. Finally, she walks out of the restroom and into the hotel room. She gets to the bed, searches through her purse, to find the prepaid phone she got yesterday, and decides that now is the time to let it be known what she wanted.
The life Jessica knew was very common to other adolescents who have had to deal with drugs and alcohol in the family. It felt to her like it was their excuse to claim that they were not the problem, but to claim she was the problem. No matter what she did, earned good grades, never miss school, listening, and still it was not enough for her family. She knew that one day she would be away from them but before she was able to reach her goal it was all over for her on the inside. All the family she had were her mom and two older brothers who were more than ten years older than her. It didn’t help that her mom used during her whole pregnancy with Jessica, but that didn’t stop her and yet she succeeded. The day of her disappearance no one was on a man hunt yet there was only fliers put up around town, then less than a month passes it seemed like she was forgotten. The life she was given was not what she would curse on anyone because of the distraught and emotional hurt she went through. When she was young her mom was very selfish and ignorant when it came to her need to use and she go on one of her binges and forget about Jessica and she had to endure long hours of wet and dirty diapers while suffering from malnutrition. The days when her mom had nothing and was sober it was even more difficult for her. She was so young and innocent, her own mother would get so upset if she would whine or if she was hungry she would then pay the price. It is a surprise, after all the torment, that she lived to survive another day from the endless struggle of the nightmare she had to deal with all those years. The physical and emotional abuse she had to cope with at such a young age was not what anyone should go through, that it made her feel more disdain for her family and those around her because how could they not see what kind of life she was living. From the moment she was able to do things independently at an early age, it made her realize that part of what her surroundings brought helped her to take care of herself.
As all the thoughts of her childhood fills her mind and all the cruel things done to her makes her realize that what she did had to be done. Maybe she was not in control during the time with what was done to her as a child, but at least she could know that part of her is gone, or at least that’s what she thought. She knew that she was going a little bit over board with the paranoia but with the thought of knowing a little girl was hurt in her childhood home angered her because what if this could’ve been prevented. It hurt her so much to feel anything from her past, it was let go a long time ago and to be a better person from it all shows her you can grow surrounded by the dark but it’s up to you to let it consume you. So, to have it all resurface was a burden on the work she accomplished to live her life. Something had to be done and once the plan came to light, it was set.
The people who had hurt that girl were arrested but her mom was still in that house with one of her older brother’s and she remembered that night, like the rest of her evil past. When the front door opened, the nerves kicked in but it was simple what had to be done, she had to end them. If she had only done something before she left all those years ago, an innocent child would be alive, but Jessica didn’t want to feel anymore from this because of all the resentment she already has.
In the hotel room her tears were for the lost innocence and the call was to let the new job offer know she was going to take the job. From what happened that night when she killed her mom and brother, she felt nothing from it but knew that she had to be quick because no one knew who she was and she kept everything paid with cash.The moment she came back to the room, she was already convincing herself it had to be done and that part of her can burn in the fire she started. If it wasn’t for the terrible memories she had to live with, I don’t think she could have dealt with the murders and arson right after but it was apparent it would set her mind at ease. To know that she can finally have closure after so many years, let her know that the direction she was going to go in life was going to help her help other’s find peace.
The new life she wanted in her reach and there was no more ties to her past because from what anyone could remember about her was that she was gone.