I was laying on the bed, I turned over in an attempt to go back to sleep but I couldn’t help but just watch him as he slept. It reminded me of the time when he took care of me when I got sick and he was so great that he made me medicine to get better. That whole night as I was suffering, Dustin made sure I was comfortable and put it on cartoons knowing that it comforted me. The very stroke of his hands touching my head with his fingers going through my hair strands so softly soothing my head. Just the feel of that whole night encourages me how sweet he is and how far he is willing to go to make me better. To know he does this for me assures me that when he gets ill I know I can baby him and take good care of him the way he took care of me. I love how through him, I am learning a new sense of humility and patience.
He is so quiet and calm, just watching him gives me a sensation filled with so many emotions I just put my arm on his chest to see if he wakes up. He lets a deep sigh while still sleeping and to know he is still asleep makes my thoughts race. I just couldn’t believe it, all of what we have and what we are as a couple made me feel like we were just playing house. Everyday felt like it was all imaginary and I would get scared to wake up without him so if I woke up and was able to see him, I knew it was all real. I am the type of person who constantly questions myself and others while being very harsh on myself. He is always the one who makes me feel like I am the most prized possession in this life, which makes me proud. When he holds my hands and gives me random kisses, it shows me how significant a person he is to me through the love we share. I enjoy how his words of encouragement has helped me step out of my comfort zone and become more comfortable in my own skin. How can anyone be this understanding?
The very idea of how he could be all mine helps me feel excited for each new day we have together, no more feeling alone in this big world. Just to be able to have my anxiety have peace after years of soul-searching helped me create such a bond with my husband that I can keep a hold on the latch in life. That’s when his alarm goes off and he wakes up stretching while I’m still holding him. Then it feels so great to have his arms wrap around me in his morning hug and gives me a kiss on the cheek unknowing that I was watching him sleep. He gets out of bed and starts getting ready to start his day and I am trying to get composure on the thought that another day already.
When he leaves for his day, I love his good-bye kisses and that smile he has on his face showing how happy he truly is makes me more at ease. I think it is so funny to think of all the times I felt inadequate and unsure about us, but it was all because I was scared to let him down. All of those negative thoughts of being insecure and demeaning are fading with time and I see the better part of me I lost from my addiction. The past has a way of making me get uneasy and with him at my side, I just hope for the best for us both. I don’t want to disappoint him by letting my will power become broken. I know now more than ever what I am capable of and to have to live with the struggle can bring up a lot of emotional discomfort. With that in mind, I feel weightless from the stress and when I look in the mirror, I love my appearance as well as my inner beauty because now they are the both equally beautiful.
My life has become more simple than I have ever wanted it to be just because of the acceptance he gives me, I now love myself more. No one will ever understand it because to feel like I was not worthy of love, was always in my mind but I was so good at hiding the truth that my denial was a part of me. Glad it is going away and I am finding the peace I have needed my whole life. I love the exciting feeling I get from the laughs we have when we are in complete unison, my life is a wish come true and I will continue to make myself stronger spiritually. Just all this from watching him sleep shows me what we have is real and reminds me how great our life is together.